Monthly Archives: January 2009

If Loving Bacon is Wrong, then I Don’t Want to Be Kosher

At the risk of starting an ethnic shit storm involving Islam and Judaism (obviously, Jews and Muslims have cornered the market on ethnic shit storms–I’m looking at you Palestine and Israel; y’all are worse than Blacks and Koreans), Angry Black (Jewish) Lady is compelled to point out that it is bullshit that bacon is not an Approved Semitic Meat.

Come on, people.  E’rybody knows that Back in the Day (which is about 3 years after Yesteryear and 5 weeks before the Days of Yore), swine was dirty, fools were dying of trichinosis, and that’s the reason that bacon was verboten.  (And by “e’rybody knows” I mean “I just made that shit up.”)

But it’s a new day, people.  There’s a black man in the White House.  It’s time to cast off the religious coils that prohibit us from letting bacon creep onto our breakfast, lunch, and dinner tables.

Bacon is not only delicious, it is useful. This Bacon Weaver, featured in the New York Times Magazine, will likely be on the next season of Project Runway.

What’s so wrong about weaving bacon to make bacon muslin (that’s muslin… with an “n”), and then adding some sausage to it?  Nothing, that’s what.  And I’m right.  Angry Black Lady always is.  As my friend Renee once said to me, if you want your bacon to taste more delicious, top it with more bacon.