First Family Fancies Fisting, Fantasizes FoxNews
Listen here, lady. I know you mean well. You attempted to laud the Obamas as an example for married couples everywhere:
“They do a lot of touching, kissing, even fisting with one another.” (Note the ebullient “I totally agree” off-camera laughter from the interviewer. She seems to be saying: “Yeah, totally! They do enjoy fisting!”)
No. Just… no.
Let me explain. According to Wikipedia, immutable source royale, fisting is “a sexual activity that involves inserting a hand into the vagina or anus.” Also according to Wikipedia, sexual source supreme, for proper Fisting Format all five fingers are kept straight and held as close together as possible, forming a beak-like shape, casually referred to as a “silent duck.” Hey, you’d be “silent” too, if you were about to be shoved face first into someone’s anus. (One can’t help but wonder what a “chatty duck” or a “Howard-the-Duck” would entail.)
Now, I don’t know what the Obamas like to do in the Lincoln bedroom. I’m pretty damn sure that the “Love Doctor” doesn’t either. I reckon the well-meaning “Love Doctor” was referring to the terrorist fist jab heard ’round the world, also known as a “fist bump,” a “dap,” a “jihadist handshake,” or a “what up, my nigga!?”
Whatever the intended reference, thank you, Love Doctor. Thank you for your careless use of sexitime jargon. Thank you for the keen mental imagery that will haunt me for the rest of my days. Thank you for the flop sweats I will undoubtedly suffer every time I watch CSPAN. In short, thanks a lot, lady.
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Hehehe this was a really good clip, but it took me a minute to figure out what the hell she thought she was talking about. How can a “Love Doctor” be so horribly horribly out of touch with that kind of slang?
The terrorist fist jab/fisting is still funny.
Also, this was the oldest entry the archives would let me get to.
So, was this officially the first TS post?
Inquiring minds would like to know. So would Enquiring. Also, am I the only one that remembers the Dianetics commercials from the 80s with the cover that had the exploding volcano on it and the people with all those questions and the tag line “find the answers with Dianetics.”
Yes, it was just like this site…
http://www.dianetics.org/#/videos
Wow. Terrifying.
I’m trying to think of several alternatives to what she could have said instead of fisting:
“fist-slamming” Could actually be worse than fisting.
“fist-bumping” doesn’t sound much better
“fist-touching” sounds like a romantic alternative.
In fact, anything with the word fist and the first couple makes me wince.
I just noticed the sub-heading. I love alliteration.
indeed, this was our inaugural post!
mammaries…. like the corners of my mind… misty water colored mammaries… of the way we were…
I remember that commercial, TheHobo! It used to scare me as a wee lass…
Me too. The other scary part is that I did have those questions but I was convinced that answering them meant being sacrificed in a Volcano.
And then I saw Joe Versus the Volcano and knew my first assumption was right.