Or at least on all your dollah dollah bills
Yesterday at the 238th National Meeting of the American Chemical Society in Washington, D.C., Pablo Escobar and his merry band of cocaine snorting scientists discovered that ALL OF OUR MONEH IS LACED WITH COKE. That’s coke, as in “aine.” Bolivian marching powder. Columbia’s finest. Snow, nose candy, blow, powdered sugar, the devil’s innards, charlie, charles, charles in charge, bleans, white flight, boutros boutros ghali, snow globe. (OK, I may have made some of those names up.)
According to the study:
Traces of cocaine taint up to 90 percent of paper money in the United States, a new study finds.
A group of scientists tested banknotes from more than 30 cities in five countries, including the United States, Canada, Brazil, China, and Japan, and found “alarming” evidence of cocaine use in many areas.
U.S. and Canadian currency had the highest levels, with an average contamination rate of between 85 and 90 percent, while Chinese and Japanese currency had the lowest, between 12 and 20 percent contamination.
…
The scientists found that larger cities like Baltimore, Boston, and Detroit had among the highest average cocaine levels. Washington, D.C., ranked above the average, with 95 percent of the banknotes sampled contaminated with the drug. The lowest average cocaine levels in U.S. currency appeared on bills collected from Salt Lake City.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) the money poses no health risks. The amount of cocaine on the bills is practically negligible. For all you coke enthusiasts out there, though, maybe you could take all your money and grind it up and just snort that.
The coke taint comes not only from people using money to snort cocaine, but also from cocaine dealers putting their grubby coked up hands all over money.
Cocaine dealers, man. I swear. Always sticking their business up other peoples’ noses.
(H/T Ramy!)
Ha!!!!
heh heh heh… taint…. heh heh
AND THAT REMINDS ME THE LOHAN/GOSSELEIN TAINT INCIDENT!!!
::Keels over. Again::
hahaha i knew i heard that somewhere! i don’t remember what was tainted by gosselin but i’d prefer the cocaine please…
True story. I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. His father used to do work at the jails and had to take a drug test and failed because of all the coke money he was handling.
DC Represent!! I had never seen anyone using cocaine until I moved to DC. Most users are pretty much on the down-low about it, but I will occassionally walk into a bathroom and see (or hear) girls doing bumps in the next stall.
Cocaine’s a helluva drug.
Ah cocaine, the solution to the wall study habits hit when the finals after spring break came around. Honestlym it’s pretty much what goes on the toast with the morning coffee the tail end of the winter semester. Also is a great ice breaker with the stripper you met in Tijuana.
If you really want to freak out about your money, just think about whether or not your $1 dollah-dollah bills have ever seen the wrong side of a stripper’s g-string. Because that’s what your money does when you’re not looking. It recirculates. Through stripper’s naughty clothes.
Just one more reason I like my debit card.
LOL, oops. Note to self… change name after making silly Terry Pratchett jokes.
Roxy: ha! and also? gross. And also? ha ha!
Yeah, good times.