Monthly Archives: September 2009

Angry Black Lady Chronicles: Facebook Asshats

Posted on September 29, 2009 by | 12 Comments

Are you fucking kidding me with this?

Some asshat posted a poll on Facebook that asks the question: Should Obama Be Killed?

Here’s a screenshot:

facebook

I mean: What.the.Fuck.

Seriously?  What the fuck?  And “if he cuts my health care” as a response?  This is how stupid people are, y’all.  The fear tactics have gotten so out of hand that Obama’s effort to provide health care for ALL Americans has somehow morphed into a fear that Obama is trying to CUT people’s health care.  Say what you will about concerns regarding how he’s going to pay for it.  Say what you will about whether you believe health care is a right. Say that you don’t want insurance and you don’t want to be fined for not having it.  Fine.  But don’t you dare argue that he’s going to CUT your health care.  Because if you do make that argument, then you are an asshat.  An asshat that Sar will wear when she gets mad.

Needless to say, the Secret Service is all over this like brown on rice.  And as well they should be–death threats against Obama have increased 400% when compared to death threats against Bush.  The Secret Service isn’t putting up with any shit.

Apparently the poll was created by an independent individual using a third party application (which has since been suspended.)  I hope the Secret Service waterboards this fucking idiot.

Oh except it’s America and we don’t torture.  MIRITE?

Oh my Cruise, it’s enough to make my head expl–

teachers-head-explodes



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Posted in Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans, What the Crap!?

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Fuckin’ A, Brah.

Posted on September 29, 2009 by | 15 Comments

Jenny Fuckin’ Slate Said the Fuckin’ Eff Word on Saturday Night Live jennyslate

On her debut on SNL, Jenny Slate dropped bombs… of the “fuck” variety.

Listen here, fuckers.  I for one am fucking appalled that someone would dare use such fucking inappropriate language on television or any form of fucking print or visual media.  I mean for fuck’s sake, Jenny.  There were probably a bunch of fucking kids watching.  You were in a public fucking forum, taping a live fucking show and you said the eff word!  Like, in front of a whole bunch of fucking people.

I really can’t fucking believe it.  It was your first fucking show, and that’s what you do?  You can bet your sweet fucking ass that NBC is going to get fined for this shit.  I mean, the FCC fined the fucking Superbowl when Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet’s shirt and exposed her itty bitty brown titty.

Apparently, however, NBC isn’t going to fucking fire your ass.   You better thank your lucky fucking stars.  If you worked for Thundersquee!, I would have kicked your fuckin’ ass to the curb.  If there is one thing I cannot tolerate, it’s foul fucking language.

Here”s the clip from the show, motherfuckers:

P.S.  You are pretty fuckin’ funny.  I’ll give you that fuckin’ much.



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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans

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OK, Now I’m Pissed Off at Mackenzie Phillips

Posted on September 28, 2009 by | 11 Comments

She left her younger sister in the house with her perverted father bijou-phillips

Remember how Mackenzie Phillips had her tell all last week about the child abuse she suffered at the hands of her father, John Phillips; abuse which eventually turned into a consensual relationship?  Well apparently she told her (half) sister Bijou Phillips about the sexual relationship when Bijou was 13, and Bijou was terrified to be left alone with her father:

In a statement read by Oprah Winfrey on her talk show Friday, Bijou Phillips says she was 13 years old when Mackenzie Phillips told her about the sexual relationship.

Bijou Phillips is now 29 and says the news was confusing and scary. She says it was “heartbreaking” to think her family would leave her alone with her father.

In response, MacKenzie said that their father “had changed his ways as much as he was able to” and that she felt that Bijou was safe.  Um.  WHAT!?!?!?!?  Your father drugged you and raped you and yet somehow you think that whatever minimal effort he had put into “changing his ways” made it safe for you to leave your 13 year old sister in his care?  Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh and in totally related news, MacKenzie plead guilty to possession of cocaine charge on Friday and was ordered into rehab.


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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans

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Immaeatchu

Posted on September 28, 2009 by | 5 Comments

This is a Plea for Help.  So Help, dagnabbit! dry-rubbed-steak-and-shrimp-with-watermelon-salad

As you all know, Cait is our resident Kitchen Bitch.  Well, I have another Kitchen Bitch in my life (yes, I’m two-timing Cait, but I reckon she will forgive me.)

Her name is Susan and she has an amazing blog called immaeatchu.  Take a spin through her blog.  You won’t be sorry.  The pictures she has of the food she concocts (as a hobby, by the way) will make your mouth water, and your panties drop.  (For my birthday a couple years ago, she made a special dinner for me: heirloom tomato salad, duck confit over duck fat fries.  I still dream of that birthday dinner late at night when no one is watching.)

Susan also won several categories when she entered the Grilled Cheese Invitational last year.  It was a long time ago, and I can’t remember all the varieties of sandwiches she made, but I know she made a truffle butter and manchengo grilled cheese and also made one using bacon bread made from scratch.  Yum.


Well, squeeple, Susan has entered a recipe competition for Apartment Therapy: she made an absolutely divine looking dry rubbed steak and shrimp with watermelon salad.   She needs votes! So take a look, register (it only takes a minute) and if you like the recipe, give her “thumbs up!”  Do eeet Do eeeet!!

Please and thank you.

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Posted in I Heart Ye, Miscellany

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Yo Momma and Healthcare Reform

Posted on September 25, 2009 by | 27 Comments

The best healthcare reform-related “Yo Momma” Joke in the history of anything.

Do you know what’s always a salve for the wearied Friday afternoon soul?  A good “yo momma” joke.

Big ups (that’s “Kudos” in Blackese) to Senator Debbie Stabenow of Michigan for verbally bitch slapping Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona, and for doing it with a smile on her face.

To wit,


Michiganders!  What what!!!  High five!  Other assorted sayings!


(Thanks to Beth for the tip!)


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Posted in Political Shenanigans

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Kick Ass

Posted on September 25, 2009 by | 1 Comment

Kids Marshmallow Experiment

From Wikipedia:

Deferred gratification or delayed gratification is the ability to wait in order to obtain something that one wants. This ability is usually considered to be a personality trait which is important for life success. Daniel Goleman has suggested that it is an important component of emotional intelligence. People who lack this trait are said to need instant gratification and may suffer from poor impulse control.

The marshmallow experiment is a famous test of this concept conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford University and discussed by Daniel Goleman in his popular work. In the 1960s, a group of four-year olds were given a marshmallow and promised another, only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one. Some children could wait and others could not. The researchers then followed the progress of each child into adolescence, and demonstrated that those with the ability to wait were better adjusted and more dependable (determined via surveys of their parents and teachers), and scored an average of 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.


(Thanks to shu_shu for the tip!)

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Posted in Kick Ass

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Madness’s Musings: Isn’t It Ironic?

Posted on September 25, 2009 by | Leave a comment

It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a smaller ass.mybutt

After leaving court yesterday, I realized that I had split my pants.  I tried to figure out how it had happened, and then I looked over at my baby picture—————————————>

and thought “No wonder.”

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Posted in Musings

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“R U Fucking Kidding Me?”

Posted on September 25, 2009 by | 3 Comments

A Facebook Anthem

(H/T Tristan!)

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Julie Chen Had a Baby

Posted on September 25, 2009 by | Leave a comment

“I’m sorry, baby Chen.  You have been evicted from my womb.”

Leslie Moonves and Julie Chen
Get it?  Because Julie Chen hosts Big Brother?  Which I used to watch religiously but had to give up because for the love of cheese, who can watch that shit on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sunday?

MIRITE?

Anyway, for those of  you who don’t watch Big Brother, basically CBS sets up a bunch of strangers in a house and makes them eat “slop” (it’s oatmeal, but the way the house guests act, one would think it was cat poop) and do stupid contests, and then at the end, the contestants usually have to, like, stand on a pole for eight days, or sit on a floatie in the water for a fortnight until someone falls off and breaks their face and/or shrivels up into a raisin and dies, and…

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Oh and the house guest who is the best at sitting around doing nothing but scheming and acting like a jackhole all summer wins a million dollars at the end.  Woooot!

and…

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Oh yeah, four years ago, Julie Chen married Les Moonves, the president of CBS.  So basically Big Brother will never go off the air, but that’s OK because it’s either forty-five seasons of Big Brother or CBS will develop NCIS/CSI: Sandwich Islands, and, really, who wants to watch that?

Oh, I’m sorry, were you napping?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

::turns off lights::

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Posted in Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic

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