Here’s a bit of classic Boner followed by the super awesome Growing Pains theme song:
I gotta be honest though; my first thought when I heard the news was “Oh noes! Skippy is dead!” But then I came to my senses and realized I was referencing the wrong 80s sitcom. But damn, Family Ties was the shit and it had a super sweet theme song:
Chris says that Tiger has been unfairly persecuted by the media. How does he know this? Because the media has, similarly, been all over Chris Brown’s ass like white on rice after he assaulted Rihanna at that awards show last year. So, it’s the same thing, right? WRONG!
From RadarOnline:
Chris Brown compared himself to Tiger Woods in a radio interview Wednesday, saying both him and the golf icon deserve second chances from the public for their mistakes, and RadarOnline.com has it for you to hear.
The R&B star told the Mojo In The Morning radio show “nobody has the right to place judgment or make any judgment on somebody else’s personal life when they’re not directly involved with them.”
“Whatever his personal life is and I think this goes for me and him — his personal life is his personal life,”theconvicted woman batterer said of Woods, who admitted to cheating on his wife Elin during his televised apology last Friday. “Like they might be a fan, or might support what they’re doing but like if he plays golf, like that’s his sport, that’s his hobby, that’s his love, that’s what people love him for. They don’t love him for the other stuff that they talking about.”
Brown — whose clean cut-image was tarnished after he beat then-girlfriend Rihanna last year — drew parallels between himself and Woods.
“I think, even with me, like I do music, I sing songs, like I’m an entertainer, I’m a performer, but people make mistakes,” the Forever singer told the show. “So my hat is off to him — I support him, I hope he gets back on the field and does his thing, cause he is the best at it.”
Sweet sugary Jesus with a side of sausage and gravy slathered over hot buttermilk biscuits, what the hell is wrong with you, Chris Brown? Are you dumb or somethin’, son? You beat the crap out Rihanna and were convicted of that assault. Tiger, on the other hand, banged a bunch of chicks not his wife. It’s not the same thing, you big dummy! Adultery is an offense that should be dealt with by the adulter (Tiger) and his wife. Adultery may be morally reprehensible to some, but it isn’t a crime. Adultery is not even in the same ballpark as violence against women! Who the hell do you think you are, you unrepentant horse’s ass. Do us a favor, Chris. Die in a hot fire. Please?
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have an iPhone app. “Speidi Web.” I don’t understand. I’ll never understand. I just. I can’t.
I want to meet any person dumb enough to spend (unironically) $1.99 for their stupid iPhone application, and then I want to brick that person directly in their own face.
My head hurts.
Is there a “Die in a Fire” app? Somebody get on it.
But come hell or high water, they’re gonna party anyway
These people at the National Tea Party Convention are some of the most uninformed, ignorant fools I’ve ever seen. What do they even stand for? “Taking their country back,” apparently. Also they stand for “the Constitution,” but only the section that requires the President to be a natural-born citizen. Yep, that’s right; many of these asshats are a bunch of friggin’ Birthers.
I seriously cannot fathom how people with even the tiniest of brains are still holding on to that “He’s a Muslim Kenyan” nonsense. It’s really embarrassing. Of course Orly Taitz was there, feeling like the belle of the ball. She still hasn’t died in a fire yet. Can anyone tell me why? I keep asking her to die in a fire, but she’s not taking my calls.
New Left Media interviewed some of the partiers for their short video Scenes From An American Disaster. Here is the introduction to the video:
Last week, the group Tea Party Nation organized the first Tea Party Convention in Nashville, Tenn., a for-profit event. Some 600 people paid $550 to attend, and Sarah Palin was reportedly paid $115,000 to the be the keynote speaker. After criticism of the convention’s cost, for-profit status, and payment to Palin, multiple national Tea Party organizations withdrew their participation. But the event went on.
And so did the paranoid, conspiratorial assertions–that President Obama was born in another country, that he has covered up his college transcripts, that he is pushing a communist/socialist agenda, that he is protecting terrorists and endangering our country, etc.
The organizers of the convention made great efforts to limit access to the press, and even held “new-media training” sessions to help the Tea Partiers sound and look better on camera–the more people see inside this movement, the less like it. But we got ourselves into the event, where the right-wing, fringe sentiments were on plain display.
That said, these Tea Partiers–able to pay the cost of attendance–are more affluent than those at the 9.12 DC March, and more self-conscious of [the way] they are portrayed in the media. There were fewer signs and homemade t-shirts here, but the attitudes, if more subtle in delivery, were the same.
If you want to see the decline of civilization as we know it, peep this:
This is where the country is going. May Cruise have mercy on our souls.
PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?
MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
He’s got a nigger pass! A what?! Yeah, you heard me!
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
He understands our struggle, man!
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
His peen wears a white hood!
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
Some black girls act like white girls! All crazy and shit!
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
Heidi Montag is going to pose in Playboy again. This time with less feces and more nipples. Because that’s what we all want, isn’t it? To see Heidi Montag’s ginormous fake boobs mit nipples?
“She is currently speaking with (Playboy photographer) Matthew Rolston (about) a steamy, soapy, shower concept showing her boobs through the shower door,” said the source. “The figure being discussed for the exclusive is in the seven figures.”
Who knows if it’s true. In Touch Weekly isn’t exactly the most reputable source of celebrity gossip. Sure she’s probably “broke” now and could use the money. Her new puppies aren’t going to pay for themselves, and she did just spend a couple million dollars recording a craptastic album that has sold approximately 4 copies. She needs that money, y’all! It’s not like Spencer’s Creepy Flesh Colored Beard is bringing home any bacon. It’s all up to Heidi to milk the last few milliseconds of their fifteen minutes of fame. And considering she has exactly zero talent, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she bared her boobs (in the name of the Lord, but of course!)
Still, I have to call bullshit:
“She could use the money, and she’s finally ready to pose topless, so she is negotiating with the magazine,” according to one of Montag’s friends, who spoke to In Touch Weekly.
The National Tea Party Convention kicked off yesterday in Nashville.*** And just in case you weren’t positive that the majority of these tea partiers have swallowed the right wing politics of fear hook line and sinker, check out what Tom Tancredo, former Republican congressman from Colorado had to say:
“Every year the liberal Dems and the rhino Republicans turned up the temperature ever so slightly. It seemed after a while we’d all be boiled to death in a cauldron of the nanny state. And then, something really odd happened, mostly because I think that we do not have a civics literacy test before people can vote in this country. [ wild applause and laughter] People who could not even spell the word ‘vote,’ or say it in English [more hootin' and hollerin'], put a committed socialist idealogue in the White House, name is Barack Hussein Obama.”
Tancredo went on to say,
“The revolution has come. It was led by the cult of multiculturalism aided by leftist liberals all over who don’t have the same ideas about America as we do.”
Later, in response to questions from the Daily Beast, Tancredo said:
“I don’t want anybody to be refused the right to vote if, maybe, they have to mark [the ballot] with an X. I do think they should have to know something about how the government works.”
First of all, I doubt some rule mandating that only informed citizens be permitted to vote would give Republicans or Tea Partiers a straight shot to the White House. I’m by no means suggesting that all right wingers are dummies. But it can’t be denied that many of the crazies who attended the town hall meetings last summer–screaming about Obama is a socialist Nazi who wants to pull the plug on your grandma–are some of the most uninformed idiots in all the land. While I certainly believe that there are dumbasses on the left side of the spectrum as well, considering that the the keynote speaker for the Convention, Sarah Palin the Wolf Huntress herself ran for Vice-President without even knowing what the hell the Vice-President does, Tancredo ought to be careful what he wishes for.
The salient point, however, is that the call for literacy tests is racism. Plain and simple. Yeah…. something really weird happened… a black man was elected president! Why? Because we didn’t make all the brown folks… all the “multicultural” folks take a civics literacy before voting his black ass into office.
That’s the subtext, isn’t it? Is there any other way to read his comments? Especially considering that literacy tests were widely used to deny black people the vote during the Jim Crow era?
***[Author's Note: When I write something, I really ought to press "publish." I wrote this fully 4 days ago. So... um... yeah.]
