Monthly Archives: March 2010

Sookie Sookie: Henry Ian Cusick

Wine is my constant

I’m sitting here watching “The Constant,” an episode of Lost from Season 4, and drinking shiraz.

Just took a little break to bring you this:

You’re welcome, brotha.

Sandra Bullock’s Husband Involved in Dog Fighting Ring Scandal

Jesse James has an acute case of Michael Vick-itis.  Oh, and he also might be a neo-Nazi.

This guy is a real piece of work.  First, there’s the pictures of him wearing an SS Officer’s hat while giving the “sieg heil” Nazi salute.  Always classy.

Second, there’s the “I Wanna be like Tiger” trip to rehab.  Yep.  Jesse James is now in rehab–the same one Tiger Woods went to (and, incidentally, the same one that Sandra Bullock’s character in 28 Days went to).  He’s rumored to be begging Sandra not to divorce him.   Apparently, he actually told her that he would go to rehab “Just like Tiger did” if she would stay.

Sandra is rumored to be telling him to fuck right off.  She’s filing for divorce and not going to attempt to get some sort of custody arrangements so she can stay in touch with his kids.   So he drove his own ass to rehab to show the public he’s, like, totally serious about not  being a neo-Nazi fuckhead, you guys:

James drove himself to the Sierra Tucson retreat in Arizona– the same rehab center that Tiger Woods went to– on Monday and immediately enrolled for what is understood to be sex addiction.

“James was very quiet and sullen when he checked himself in on Monday and he didn’t really talk with anyone,” an insider told RadarOnline.com. “He will be there for at least 45 days as he tries to get his life back on track.”

Come on dude, seriously?  As his third and fourth mistresses come crawling out of the woodwork, does he really think that she’s going to take him back?  After a short stint in rehab?  Give me a fucking break.  Does he think she’s stupid or something?  Besides, she’s the moneymaker in this situation.  In Tiger’s situation, he was the moneymaker.  So you know… apple, meet orange.

But it gets worse.  Much worse.  The National Enquirer is about to drop a bomb: James has been involved in a dog fighting ring.   And yes, I believe the National Enquirer at this point.  The Enquirer called the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter scandal about a year before it broke.  It’s a bullshit paper that has a lot of weird shit about alien babies and Sarah Palin being Sasquatch, but a lot of their celebrity gossip turns out to be true.  Besides, Jesse James looks like the sort of motherfucker who would force his poor dogs to fight.)  So let the preemptive rumor-mongering begin!

Jesse James may have entered rehab to stave off a divorce from Sandra Bullock but that’s the least of his problems as a horrible new scandal has emerged. He’s accused of outrageous cruelty involving his pet dogs!



Two of Jesse’s favorite pit bulls fought in a bloody battle to the death – and Jesse’s terrified dog Rudy was ripped apart in the savage attack that tore a leg almost completely from his body.



Shockingly, the tattooed TV mechanic treats the vicious encounter as a big joke, charge sources.



“Sandra was horrified and in tears when she first heard what had happened to those animals,” said an insider.



“She believed he was this gentle biker with a heart of gold. But if he can let this sort of thing happen to his dogs, that tells you who he really is – Jesse IS heartless.”

Kaiser at Celebitchy astutely points out that this dog fighting bullshit is the likely reason that James’ pit bull Cinnabun kept running away.

I’m disgusted.  I’m too disgusted to even rant about it.

So instead, I’ll point you to an open letter that my friend Lily the Pink wrote when the Philadelphia Eagles decided to sign Michael Vick’s stupid dog fighting ass.  Read it.  It’s gold.  You can find an Angry Black Rant that I wrote in the comment section of that post.

And then when you’re done with all of that, go outside and set something on fire.

[via Celebitchy and Gawker]

Retired U.S. General Sheehan is a Homophobic Asshat

Even-Tempered White Lady Tells You Why the U.S. Army Should Go Dutch

So, this asshat of a US General decides to open his big asshat mouth and make one of the worst, and most inaccurate, homophobic statements ever, saying that European armies have been weakened by allowing gay soldiers to serve.

He earns massive douche points when he specifically cites the example of Srebrenica,

“where Serb paramilitaries overran lightly armed Dutch peacekeepers before slaughtering over 7,000 Muslim men and boys. It was Europe’s worst atrocity since World War Two, and a six-year investigation into the attack led to the fall of the Dutch government in 2002.”

This is where it gets extra-cheese douchey:

“Sheehan said he had been told by a Dutch military commander that the Dutch felt the presence of gay soldiers was one of the reasons the peacekeepers were so easily defeated.”

And then General Douche had to write a letter to said commander (the one he quoted) saying “I’m sorry I remembered that wrong,” (more or less) because apparently the Dutch dude said no such thing. Well, duh!

This whole idea of keeping gay people out of the military is beyond ridiculous. Trying to say that a gay army is a weak army is not only re-donk-ulous, it’s outright wrong. Did anyone see 300? Come on people! I mean, they threw the sex scenes in with the chick to try to throw modern audiences off the trail, but those dudes weren’t really into the women, however masculine those women may have looked.

In fact, as a feminist, I can cite all sorts of stuff about how Greek dudes and others of the time weren’t really all that into women in general. I mean, they liked women well enough, but they never saw them as equals. Close emotional and intellectual relationships were held between two men, as equals, while sexual relationships were often between an older man and the young man he was mentoring (although, apparently once the youngster hit puberty, the sex stopped. Uh-huh. I’m sure that was always the case…)

In fact, the Greek had a special name for it: pederasty, the “love of boys.” These boys were aged 13 through 20, and they were the lovers of much older men who also served as their mentors. And they weren’t the only ones to have these December-May I See You In My Chambers relationships either. The ancient Chinese, Japanese, Romans—basically, pick a place that was known for its kick-ass warriors, and most likely those warriors were getting some young-man ass.  This wasn’t seen as wrong—this was seen as necessary; the love between men was what made these armies great.

Plato even wrote about the strength of male sexual bonds being used to overthrow a tyrant in Athens:

“Our own tyrants learned this lesson through bitter experience, when the love between Aristogiton and Harmodius grew so strong that it shattered their power. Wherever, therefore, it has been established that it is shameful to be involved in sexual relationships with men, this is due to evil on the part of the rulers, and to cowardice in the part of the governed.”

So excuse me Mr. Homophobic General, you really need to get your facts straight (beyond actually remembering what was said to you) and realize that the reason why the Dutch soldiers fell was in no way, could in no way, be because of the homosexual members of their ranks (and might have had something to do with that whole “lightly armed” bit mentioned before). Listen to Plato—it is the evil of Generals like General Sheehan-Douche that makes it seem like something like some soldier-on-soldier love is bad. And is the cowardice of those of us who won’t speak up against things like DADT that allows that shame to be spread.

I’m not saying we go back to pederasty or anything (though the Catholic priests would love that, and to be fair, the Greek didn’t let boys under 16 serve in the military, so the military love was mostly above the age of consent), but allowing those who, like the army, are looking for a few good men (or the ladies who are looking for a few like-minded ladies) have not only free access to serving in the military, but could do so without shame—well, that might just help our army be a better army. After all, a gay army is a happy one. And historically, a kick-ass one.

[via Washington Post; image via Slap Upside the Head]

[Editor's Note: Even-Tempered White Lady is the even-tempered alter ego of the even more tempered Jennae Phillippe.]

Heidi Montag Wants her Boobs to Star in a 3-D Movie.

No.  Nein.  Nyet.  Neaux. WTF?!  Why?!  What have I done to deserve this?  ::sets self on fire::

Christ on a crumpet.  This bitch is trying to kill me.  There’s no other explanation for it.  Oh, back off, feminists.  Yeah, I used the word “bitch” and I stand by it.  I’m allowed to use it, because I, myself, can be quite the bitch sometimes.  And besides, I totally own three Ani DiFranco CDs, so just step the fuck off.

I mean, if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it’s probably a bitch ass duck with fake boobs and the personality of toe jam.

Oh what’s that you say?  Ducks don’t talk?  Seriously?  What is wrong with you?   Whether they “talk” or “quack” is exactly not relevant.  Who cares?  It’s not like I can understand them anyway.  I’m not a damn duck whisperer.

So as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, this bitch is trying to kill me.

To wit,

“I’m so excited The Hills is finally over and I can now become a full time motion picture actress. There is no better training [for an actor] than being in front of the cameras 24-7.

After working with Oscar-winner Ron Howard on a short film project [for FunnyorDie.com] and then working for days with the comedic genius director Dennis Dugan and his team of brilliant comedy visionaries at Happy Madison on Just Go With It starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, I have been able to truly find what makes me the happiest in life,” Montag said.


She said she loves “getting to truly show the world my creative ability … while playing … different characters.”

“Oh, stopthemadness.” you’re probably thinking.  “That’s not so bad.  We always knew she would eventually weasle her way into movies.  Just get a grip already.  This Montag obsession of yours is getting reeaaaalllly tiresome.  Can’t you go back to bitching about health care reform and Republicans?”

Well, Sally Sassypants, the answer is “No.”  NO I CANNOT.

Why?

BECAUSE OF MIND ‘SPLODIN’ FUCKNUTTERY LIKE THIS:

“I am making the first 3-D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3-D boobs.  I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!


I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as female mogul in Hollywood!”

OH.

MAH.

GAH.

I want to punch her in the ham wallet, SO HARD.

[via Hollyscoop]

Thoughts on Health Care: Part 4

A Mild-Mannered White Guy Tells the Facebook Community What’s What

A response to the argument that the health care bill represents a historically unique curtailment of our civil rights, and is therefore incompatible with a progressive worldview.

Facebook User:

But what of the left? We too have our demons to confront as regards the health care bill. The argument against the bill that I am most sensitive to is the one regarding individual freedoms and civil liberties. The left has a proud tradition of defending individual rights, whether of homosexuals, minorities, or even those of the alleged terrorists in Guantanamo Bay. We should all take seriously, then, the accusation that the new health care bill is abridging American rights, and the more so since there IS something different about this bill. There are, of course, many laws that forbid behavior: it is illegal to steal, murder, slander, abuse children, misrepresent oneself in business dealings, etc. Similarly, there are thousands of laws that regulate voluntary behavior. If you drive, you must wear a seat belt and obey the speed limit, or you will be punished. If you advertise, you must follow certain guidelines designed to protect consumers from false claims regarding your product. The new law, however, is different. It legislates a particular behavior that all Americans must perform, and punishes them if they do not perform it. There are very few laws of this type in America. One that comes immediately to mind is the draft: if you are of a certain age and your name is called, then you must serve in the military. Liberals, however, can hardly take comfort from this precedent, since many on the left have long been opposed to the draft. Moreover, the draft is much more limited in scope than the current bill. Mandatory education for children under sixteen is similar, but on the other hand, children have never had the same rights as adults in the United States. It seems to me, then, that the new bill is unique in that rather than regulating voluntary behavior or forbidding certain behaviors, it forces a particular behavior upon all adult US citizens. This truly does seem to be without precedent.

Mild Mannered White Guy:

@XXXX – An interesting point. One frustrating thing about American politics is our tendency to root for our “team” even in the face of overwhelming ideological dissonance.


However, in this particular case, I think you’ve missed the mark on a couple points. The mechanism of the health care bill – requiring a certain behavior of its citizens – does not find its closest precedent in the draft (as you suggest), but rather in Social Security and Medicare. These programs may appear to be taxes, but in principle are *mandatory insurance* against destitution in old age.


Due to the political unfeasibility of instituting a single-payer system, as well as the recent defeat of the public option, mandatory health insurance must be purchased from private companies instead of the government. But fundamentally it’s a similar approach. And I think you’ll find a long history of support on the left for both of those programs.


And this taps into a larger progressive worldview. In general we (and I’ll happily stand up and self-identify as a progressive here) believe that the “losers” in society – the poor, the sick, the weak – bear a disproportionate amount of the cost of progress without receiving a fair benefit. For example -


1) Everybody gets sick because of pollution, but only factory owners and the investor class profit from it. So we tax polluters, require them to install expensive technology to reduce their impact, and mandate that they pay for programs to clean up their mess in the community.


2) Those who work service jobs are indispensable to our economy. Often their jobs are unpleasant, unstable, and demand the most hours of any. And yet they are exposed to poverty, unemployment and disease at a disproportionate rate. So we allow them to unionize to negotiate a fair deal, and we build them a safety net to keep them out of poverty.


The fundamental progressive position is that the “winners” who have benefited so much from the country we all contribute to (try listing all the tax dollars that are invested in a professional who went to a public college, owns a house, invests in stocks, and maybe collected some unemployment after the dot-com boom) have a *moral responsibility* to bear more of the general costs of maintaining a functioning society than the market alone demands, and to maintain a minimum “safety net” standard of living for all.


You also imply that the military draft is somehow incompatible with the progressive value system. And it’s true that many of us have been vehemently opposed to the wars in which drafts were implemented.


However –


Remember that it was Charlie Rangel (with the support of plenty of bloggers on DailyKos) who introduced a bill reinstating the draft in 2003, based on the logic that the wealthy were the ones who wanted to go to war so badly because they would profit from it, and they knew their kids wouldn’t be the ones who got killed.


That was a particularly radical proposal (and not one I necessarily supported), but it definitely came from the left as opposed to the right. By that standard, mandating health insurance and providing subsidies to help those who can’t afford it seems downright…


Moderate?


:)

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I just filled out my Census… and checked the box that said “Negro.”

No, I’m not kidding.


Look, it takes a lot to offend me. Like, a lot. And so, the fact that I just filled out my census, and in order to answer the question “What is your race?” I checked a box that said “Black, African Am., or Negro” doesn’t offend me.

But it does make me wonder who the hell is runnin’ shit over at the Census Bureau. I mean, this is 2010, right? There’s a black dude sitting in the White House?

Just checking.

Because I cannot for the life of me figure out why the hell the Census Bureau is still using the term “Negro.” Yeah, I know there’s a United Negro College Fund. But that shit was founded back when we were called “Negroes.”

Here’s what Census Bureau Director Robert Groves had to say about it:

He explained why the Census Bureau chose to keep the word “Negro” on the forms: “The intent of every word on the race and ethnicity questions is to be as inclusive as possible so that all of us could see a word here that rings a bell for us … it was not to be offensive and again I apologize on that. My speculation is that in 2020 that word will disappear and there are gonna be other words that are gonna change.”

Groves also said that the Census Bureau had done research about what terms people used to identify their own racial classification. In a large portion of the study, Groves said, people chose or wrote “Negro” as their race, which prompted the Bureau to continue to use word on the 2000 census. Still, Groves acknowledged that the research was outdated.

You’re goddamn right the research is outdated. Who the hell says Negro anymore? Nobody, that’s who.

[photo and somewhat related video after the jump]

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We Are the World, Japanese Television Style

This shit is completely bananas. 

Japanese TV is pretty weird.  This might be the weirdest video I’ve ever scene.  I mean, there are Japanese people singing We Are the World in blackface.  I mean, what the crap?  It’s equal parts WIN and FAIL.  I honestly can’t even wrap my mind around it.

The chick who does Cyndi Lauper is pretty good, though.  I’m jus’ sayin’.

The original We are the World video is after the jump, just for old time’s sake.  (Check out Kenny Loggins!  And Steve Perry!  And Dionne Warwick!  And Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles kill it at the end!  And Michael Jackson looks happy and alive!  And Bob McMumbles Dylan mcmumbles!  Seriously, you should watch it.  I guarantee you’ll be smiling singing and along by the end.)

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Angry Black Lady Chronicles: Earth Hour 2010

Switch off your fucking lights or I will kill you.

Our Darkest Hour

Um, so yeah. I guess it was Earth Hour yesterday. Did you hear?  Who knew?  Not me.  I heard jack taco about it, and I’m usually pretty hip to current events. I’m down with what the kids are doing. I’m on the Twitter and the Google Buzz. I may even still have a Friendster profile rattling around out there in cyberspace.

I’m hooked into the Matrix, is what I’m saying, people. But yet I heard diddlypoop about Earth Hour.  Apparently, it touched a billion people. I hope it wasn’t a bad touch.  I wonder if the Vatican was involved.  ::rimshot::

So, despite my lack of participation, Earth Hour went ahead and happened.

Here’s the Official Earth Hour 2010 video.  Watch it, but be forewarned; the Coldplay may asssail your senses (why is Coldplay so annoying now?):

To the Beck worshippers and red state neocon whackadoodles, this video is everything that is wrong with the world.

I think it’s amusing.  It’s so aggressively librul:

  • @marker 32: Black girl with braids and white folksy chick girl share a candle-lighting and a hug.  Look at us!  Maybe we’re not so different after all!  Hey, I wonder whose earrings are bigger?  Yours are pretty big, but mine have these feathers!
  • @ marker :35: A crazy white lady dancing at what can only be a drum circle.  (I went to Oberlin.  I can spot a drum circle from three clicks away.)
  • @ marker :37: A gaggle of Asians swaying in unison holding candles but looking over their shoulder to make sure they’re not about to be mowed down by a bunch of murderous tanks.
  • @ marker :55: A token colored kid (Indian? Pakistani? Bangladeshi?  Who can tell?  It doesn’t matter!) winks and smiles and says “I’m voting because I care” but let’s face it, from the looks of where he’s sitting, doesn’t seem like he’s got any electricity to turn off.  It plays to your white liberal guilt, right?  Better start sending 75 cents a day to Sally Struthers so she can buy more anti-aging cream.  Colored folks, we’re off the hook.  We’ve got our own shit to deal with.
  • @ marker :57: Folksy white people playing the guitar?  I can practically smell the weed and patchouli oil seeping through my computer monitor.
  • And candles.  Lots and lots of candles.

Here’s the part that really kills me though; at marker 1:10, some Random “Climate Researcher: Arctic” is wearing a parka (to suggest he is standing in some cold climate when, in actuality, he’s at that sound stage in Hollywood where they faked the moon landing), and this dude is really excited about Earth Hour. You can hear it in his voice:

“It’s 8:29 p.m., and I’m about to count you down to the world’s largest mass participation event, ever!”

Hooray!  Earth Hour is, like, totally the world’s largest mass participation event, evah! Except for the fact that it totally isn’t.

Everyone turned out their lights at 8:30 p.m. local time. LOCAL. That means New Zealand and Australia turned off their lights on Friday in celebration of Earth Hour while I was sitting here yesterday—Saturday—not turning my lights off.

Am I taking crazy pills, here?  People are aware of time zones and, like, the international date line and stuff, right?

“Mass participation” implies that a bunch of people were doing the same shit at the same time. Otherwise, you know, pretty much any activity you can think of is a “mass participation event,” as long as a bunch of people are doing that activity within the same 24 hour period.

Perhaps I’m being too rational. Too cynical. I should lighten the fuck up.

Earth Hour is fine.  I ain’t mad at it.  It’s supposed to be a symbol of hope for our planet.  Rad.  Unsurprisingly, however, I forgot all about it. I just realized this evening that I missed my chance to rock the Earth Hour casbah last night.  I don’t even know what I was doing during Earth Hour. Probably napping with all the lights on.

Oh well. I’ll participate next year.  That’s, like, what… 8760 hours from now?  I can’t wait! I wonder what I should wear.  I better set a reminder to charge my phone.  Oh, please, like you wouldn’t do it too.  There’s no sitting in the dark for an hour without the warm glow of my iPhone.  Don’t be ridiculous.

Anyway, last year, Angry Black Lady wrote about this very topic.  You should read it here.  (No really, you should.  It’s one of my favorites.)

And then you should share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns abut Earth Hour in the comment section.  Don’t let my cynicism poison your little conservationist souls, though.  You know how grumpy I can get when I haven’t had my butterscotch pudding.

What are your thoughts on Earth Hour? {You may select up to 3 answers]

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Bacon Chocolate Bars are the Delicious

If you’re not eating them, you’re insane.

A couple friends of mine sent me a package of bacon chocolate bars and beer for Christmas.

I know bacon has supposedly become an internet meme.   I find that notion offensive.  Bacon isn’t a meme.  It’s a necessity.  A reality.  A way of life.  And the combination of bacon, chocolate and stout?

Well that right there is a party in your mouth.