Monthly Archives: April 2010

Fox News Anchor Proposes Changing “Soy Milk” to “Soy Jism”

Posted on April 30, 2010 by | 3 Comments

Tastes great with nuts.

I’m not sure vegans and lactose intolerant people are going to be too thrilled about drinking “soy jism.”

(H/T Lily!)

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Posted in A Wee Bit O' Hilarity, Fox News Fvckery, What the Crap!?

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Indian Dude Hasn’t Eaten in 70 Years

Posted on April 30, 2010 by | 4 Comments

TAKE THAT, MAHATMA!

I love India.  I love Indians.  I love Indian food.  Oh man, the food.  It’s so good.  So I’m really confused as to why this dude who is INDIAN and lives in INDIA and has access to INDIAN FOOD, like, ALL THE TIME isn’t eating!  (I bet in India they don’t call it “Indian food.”  They just call it “food.”)

But I digress.  Some old holy dude, Prahlad Jani, hasn’t eaten or drank anything in 70 years.  SEVENTY YEARS!?  Who does that?  It’s madness.  And he’s not stopping it.  Of course, people are all, “Look at this skinny fucker.  He hasn’t eaten in 70 years?  I call bullshit!” Well, they called bullshit, and bullshit, thus far, has not answered:

Prahlad Jani is being held in isolation in a hospital in Ahmedabad, Gurjarat, where he is being closely monitored by India’s defence research organization, who believe he may have a genuine quality which could help save lives.


He has now spent six days without food or water under strict observation and doctors say his body has not yet shown any adverse effects from hunger or dehydration.


Mr Jani, who claims to have left home aged seven and lived as a wandering sadhu or holy man in Rajasthan, is regarded as a ‘breatharian’ who can live on a ‘spiritual life-force’ alone. He believes he is sustained by a goddess who pours an ‘elixir’ through a hole in his palate. His claims have been supported by an Indian doctor who specializes in studies of people who claim supernatural abilities, but he has also been dismissed by others as a “village fraud.”

…


So far, Mr Prahlad appears to be standing up to scrutiny. He has not eaten or drunk any fluids in six days, and similarly has not passed urine or a stool in that time. He remains fit and healthy and shows no sign of lethargy. Doctors will continue observing him for 15 days in which time they would expect to see some muscle wastage, serious dehydration, weight loss,and fatigue followed by organ failure.

He hasn’t peed or pooped in almost a week?  Um… Ew? One would think that even a holy man would have to take a holy shit every once in a while.  ::rimshot::

Anyway, of course the Indian government is trying to figure out a way to turn this to their advantage.  They want to teach their soldiers how to live without food and water in case they’re captured and sent to Gitmo.  They also want to teach victims of natural disasters to just hang on until food and water arrives:

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Posted in Weird Ass Shenanigans, What the Crap!?

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Nobody Puts Iron Man in a Corner

Posted on April 30, 2010 by | 1 Comment

I love this.

[Bonus memes after the jump!]

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Posted in Miscellany

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Even U.S. Soldiers Have Got-Got Lady Gaga Fever

Posted on April 30, 2010 by | 3 Comments

Soldiers in Afghanistan re-enact Telephone

It’s pretty hilarious.  Are they bored out there, or what?

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University of Oregon’s “On the Rocks” Takes on Lady Gaga, A Cappella Style

Posted on April 28, 2010 by | 3 Comments

Rah-rah-oh-la-la!

“On the Rocks,” an a cappella group from University of Oregon, did a pretty fun arrangement of Bad Romance with a dash of Pokerface:


Back in the day, I was music director for Oberlin’s all women’s a cappella group, Nothing But Treble.  (When I was at Oberlin, Ed Helms, of The Hangover and The Office fame, sang in the Obertones, the male a cappella group.  Good times!)  And when I say “back in the day,” I mean back before YouTube.  Before LMAO.  Before OMGLOLWTFBBQ!!

Anyway, I love me some a cappella.  Don’t you?


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Posted in Kick Ass

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An Open Letter to Westboro Baptist Church

Posted on April 28, 2010 by | 6 Comments

Why you don’t have to picket Constance McMillen’s Graduation

Dear Westboro Baptist Church:

It has recently come to my attention, thanks to a press release that you sent out, that you plan to protest the graduation of one Constance McMillen in order to, and here I quote:

“[We] will picket the graduation of Itawamba Agricultural High School to remind the parents, teachers and students of this nation that God said ‘Thou shall not lie with mankind, as with womankind, it is abomination’.

“This generation has been raised to believe that they can live for the devil and still go to heaven, that God has no standards and the biggest lie of all – that God loves everyone.”

I am here to tell you that such a protest is actually completely unnecessary. First of all, as you yourselves have directly quoted, “God said ‘Thou shall not lie with mankind, as with womankind, it is abomination’.” I am not sure you actually understand what a lesbian is, but just so we’re clear, a lesbian is a person who has decided that she will not lay with any man, whatsoever.  Constance is a lesbian—she does not want to lie with any men. There is nothing in that passage that says that her choice is an abomination.

As to the other part of your reason to protest, to remind people that God does not love everyone, I think that view has been very well documented already:

I think the fact that Constance was sent to a fake prom pretty much already made her aware of her unpopularity in her own town, let along among people who live in a different state entirely.

But since we’re talking about reminders, I have to say that I’m a little concerned that maybe you’re in need of one. Your website is called God Hates Fags, but the Bible has quite a bit to say about hate:

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Posted in Culture Critic, Guest Contributors

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The Washington Post Gets Confused: Barack Obama or Malcolm X?

Posted on April 27, 2010 by | 3 Comments

Who can tell them apart anyway.

Well if this didn’t just make me laugh right in my funny area:


That Obama sure is getting all worked up and Nation of Islam-y over wind energy in Iowa.

OOPS.

The Washington Post fixed it in a hurry.  It was supposed to be two stories, one about Malcolm X and one about Barack Obama:



All of this raises the question: who the hell is this guy?

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Posted in Political Shenanigans, Weird Ass Shenanigans, What the Crap!?

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Mexico Warns Its Citizens to Use “Extreme Caution” When Traveling to Arizona

Posted on April 27, 2010 by | 8 Comments

Seriously. That Just Happened.

The Mexican government warned Mexican nationals to use extreme caution when traveling to Arizona. No seriously. The government issued a formal travel alert, saying that Mexican nationals could face harassment as a result of the state’s new immigration law which requires the police to stop anyone who they have a reasonable suspicion to believe is an illegal alien.

A couple weeks ago, the United States issued a travel alert for Mexico due to Mexico being unable to control all the drug-related violence going on in certain areas, specifically in Ciudad Juarez, Tijuana, Chihuahua City (I’m not even going to bother trying to make a joke because seriously, Mexico? Chihuahua City? COME ON!), Nogales, Matamoros, Reynosa and Monterrey.

Today, Mexico was all “ha! ha!” and issued a travel alert for Arizona due to Arizona being an asshat.

Do you know what countries are on our travel warning list? The following countries (with the date each was listed with the Bureau of Consular Affairs):***

Democratic Republic of the Congo 04/21/2010

Kyrgyz Republic 04/20/2010

Mexico 04/12/2010

Philippines 04/02/2010

Algeria 04/02/2010

Lebanon 03/29/2010

Iran 03/23/2010

Kenya 03/16/2010

Haiti 03/15/2010

Colombia 03/05/2010

Eritrea 03/02/2010

Central African Republic 02/26/2010

Yemen 02/25/2010

Iraq 02/25/2010

Saudi Arabia 02/18/2010

Pakistan 01/07/2010

Sudan 12/31/2009

Somalia 12/31/2009

Mauritania 12/02/2009

Chad 11/23/2009

Mali 11/19/2009

Sri Lanka 11/19/2009

Nepal 11/19/2009

Guinea 10/17/2009

Cote d’Ivoire 09/22/2009

Israel, the West Bank and Gaza 08/14/2009

Afghanistan 07/23/2009

Burundi 07/22/2009

Nigeria 07/17/2009

Uzbekistan 06/16/2009

Georgia 04/09/2009

***Travel alerts, which are based on short-term conditions that could fuck up your travel plans have been issued for Ethiopia, India, Thailand, and the Kyrgyz Republic. Travel warnings are based on long-term conditions… basically, if you value your life, don’t plan on traveling to the above-listed countries anytime soon.


So that’s pretty cool, huh? Us being on a list with a bunch of other countries where we would never ever vacation because we might get our heads blown off, or be harassed by the relatives of some dead guy who want to share their six million dollar inheritance with us as long as we agree to give them all our bank account information so they can safely deposit the money.

We’re like Nigeria now, is what I’m sayin’.

But I guess that makes sense since we have a Kenyan president and all.

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Posted in Culture Critic, Legal Shenanigans, Political Shenanigans

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In Defense of Jenna Jameson

Posted on April 27, 2010 by | 7 Comments

I’m Not a Fan, Just a Feminist

When the news broke that Jenna Jameson was pressing charges of domestic abuse against her boyfriend and father of her children, Ultimate Fighting Championship fighter Tito Ortiz, the Twitter-scape exploded with tweets.

Now the story has become a he-said, she-said incident where Ortiz’s camp is claiming Jenna is addicted to drugs, fell down, and for some reason decided to blame her injuries on her boyfriend.

I don’t care about the he-said/she-said. Most likely Ortiz did in fact beat up Jenna. Most likely she is addicted to drugs. Most likely the accusations and drama will continue to escalate. What I care about are the reactions to the news online, and the attitudes they portray.

The tweets about the subject, outside those that just shared links to the story, tended to trend as follows:

Those who couldn’t resist a good pounding pun:

Honore_et_Amore: Tito Ortiz arrested this morning after domesticabuse charges from Jenna Jameson. First time she’s gotten pounded and didn’t like it.


mxdveggies: Tito Ortiz arrested for pounding on Jenna Jameson? He pounds for a living, she gets pounded for a living. I don’t see the problem


Or a “shots to the face” reference:

ZlataThoughts: Tito Ortiz was arrested for domestic abuse. JennaJameson is ok though. She’s taken many clean shots to the face and never been KO’d!


MikeClemente: Tito Ortiz gave Jenna Jameson a new shot to the face. #DontDropTheSoap

Or slamming Tito’s skill as a fighter (or lack thereof):

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Posted in Culture Critic, Guest Contributors, Lady Bits, Please Die in a Fire

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