News Anchor Discusses “G-Spot Amplification” and Enjoying Penis

G-Spot Amplification? More like G-Shot to the crotch.

I don’t know if y’all have heard about this g shot amplification business.  Some women are injecting their caves of hope with collagen in order to enlarge their g spots.  Yup.  That’s right.  Wrap your mind around that one for a while.

I mean, this can’t be a good idea, right?  Why do we need this technology?

Apparently, some men just don’t know how “all that stuff down there” works, and they just can’t be bothered.  These aren’t stupid men.  These are men who have built skyscrapers and spaceships.  Men who have conquered kingdoms and split the atom.  Men who have accomplished seemingly impossible tasks.  Yet when faced with a vagina, these very men cower in fear.

“Dear God, what is that thing?!”

“There’s too much going on in there.”

“Has that always been there?”

“I can’t possibly master that.”

“You want me to do what?”

‘There are spots I need to find on the in AND outside?”‘

“My god, this is madness!”

“It simply cannot be done.”

“Where am I supposed to find that?”

“Do you have GPS down there?”

“Onstar?”

“Google maps?”

“Yelp?”

“Actually, do you have a paper bag?  I think I’m starting to hyperventilate.”

Everybody knows it: Some dudes just don’t know what the hell they are doing down there.  But rather than, you know, try to figure the shit out, they have put the onus back on us ladies:  “Yeah, oooh, sorry.  I don’t know about all this G-spot business.  It’s so confusing.  You’re gonna have to figure that out on your own.  Have you heard about g shots?  It’s a new thing.  Just go ahead and inject some collagen into your hoo ha; turn that Skittles-sized spot into something I can more easily find… something Necco wafer-sized, perhaps.  Then I can high five myself for being wicked awesome even though, technically, I’ve brought exactly jack and squat to the table.”

This is happening, people.  Here is the latest development in Oh My God, Are You Serious, Why Would You Do That?

Board Certified Ob/GYN, David Matlock, M.D., MBA, FACOG, is the inventor of a brand new minimally invasive injection called the G-shot®. The G-shot®, also known as G-spot Amplification® is a simple, in-office procedure where Dr. Matlock injects a woman’s Grafenberg Spot (G-spot) with a collagen based substance. The G-shot® increases the size of the woman’s G-spot to about the size of a quarter in width, and one fourth of an inch in height, in turn, giving the woman increased sexual arousal during sex.

The active ingredient in the G-shot® is a specially developed and processed collagen and it doesn’t require pre-injection skin testing. The actual injection is painless and takes less than five seconds to complete. The entire procedure takes about 15 minutes and the affects last up to 6 months.

A few years back Dr. Matlock had one of those “aha” moments. It was the middle of the night and he woke up from a sleep about 3:30 am with an idea that bolted him straight up in bed. An idea, that would help empower and educate the normal average woman. I say normal and average because he stressed the point to me that there has been a lot of research on the topic of sex for women who have some difficulty or other with it. But the rest of the women who haven’t anything wrong are ignored. He wanted to do something about that. Something that would help educate and empower those other women and enable them to go from good sex to great sex. So, back to the story this idea of the G-shot® bolted him up in bed on that fateful night, he developed it went into clinical studies and called his patent attorney. The rest as they say is history.

Since those trials Dr. Matlock has performed over 200 G-shot® and has trained over 50 doctors all over the world in this patent pending technology.

Call me crazy, but I don’t want anyone’s “patent pending technology” anywhere near my lady parts.  As if some of us ladies aren’t torturing ourselves enough with bleaching, waxing, and vajazzling, now I’m supposed to let some guy who looks like he stepped right out of The Serpent and the Rainbow inject some weird crap into my hot spot?  No, thank you.

I mean, Jesus Christ superstar.  Why would you let this man anywhere near your vagina?

Can you hear that? It's the sound of your vagina screaming, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Don't let this Matlock near your vagina either.

Well, a local ABC news station did a segment about the g-shot, which led to this awkward exchange:

::crickets::

Back to you, Bob.