Category Archives: Nicholas Wilbur

Chimichanga Nation: Messina is a big bigoty Latino insulter

Posted on February 17, 2012 by | 5 Comments

The most viewed and most discussed “news” article in The Hill on Thursday was titled, “GOP demands apology for Obama campaign manager’s ‘chimichanga’ tweet.”

So much for focusing on “the issues” this election season.

Republicans are demanding an apology Wednesday from President Obama’s campaign manager after a tweet that they argue was insulting toward Latino Americans.

In case you’re feeling special, the answer is no: you were not the only one to recognize the irony of the Republican Party “demanding” anything as reparation for offending Latino voters.

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Posted in Nicholas Wilbur, Now That's Some Racist Bullsh*t, Obamaganda, Please Die in a Fire, Political Shenanigans

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Alien Attack Now Imminent, Republicans Warn

Posted on February 15, 2012 by | 6 Comments

Conservatives are sounding like a celestially-fervid flock of Chicken Littles over President Obama’s plan to reduce the U.S.’s nuclear weapon stockpile by as much as 80 percent.

And for good reason.

As Ronald Reagan knew well in the 1980s—because his wife kept him informed of all inter-galactic current events—20,000 nuclear warheads may have been enough to bomb every sovereign nation on the globe 100 times each, but it wasn’t nearly enough to thwart an alien attack!

Now that the stockpile is in the process of being reduced to 1,550 nuclear weapons, the threat has been compounded.

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Posted in International Shenanigans, Nicholas Wilbur, Our Pundits of Perpetual Disappointment, Teabilly and GOP Mendacity

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The Obama-Santorum Conspiracy

Posted on February 15, 2012 by | 14 Comments

Chess Master or Pawn?

Convinced that President Obama’s contraception battle with the Catholic Church is not a “short-term tactical blunder” but yet another example of the president’s “strategically shrewd” long-game, conservative-turned-Dem-loving-ratiocinator Andrew Sullivan this week dabbled in a potentially promising career as a conspiracy theorist with a column at The Daily Beast that shocked Washington insiders and rubes, Democrats and Republicans, Obama-bots and Birthers alike.

The more Machiavellian observer might even suspect this is actually an improved bait and switch by Obama to more firmly identify the religious right with opposition to contraception, its weakest issue by far, and to shore up support among independent women and his more liberal base….And if this was a trap, the religious right walked right into it.

Not only did the right-wing establishment walk right into it, their constituents turned out en masse to vote on it, handing three presidential primary victories to the rigidly conservative and proudly orthodox Catholic Rick Santorum.

Is it therefore impossible to assume that President Obama expected that such a hot-button issue would effect turnout among conservatives, and therefore timed the contraception ruling in order to boost Santorum’s odds of besting the only candidate with even a remote chance of beating Obama in November, presumed nominee Mitt Romney?

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Magic Underpants, Nicholas Wilbur, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!, Political Shenanigans, The Frothman Cometh

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The Democratic Party Finds a Spine in Obama

Posted on February 11, 2012 by | 10 Comments

When the Republican Party’s promiscuity police stood toe-to-toe with science—arguing, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that contraception increases sexual indiscrimination—they won. Democrats sat on their unprotected thumbs as “abstinence only” replaced “sex education” in our nation’s schools.

It was not realistic or pragmatic. It wasn’t even remotely effective, despite the millions of taxpayer dollars spent teaching it. It was faith-based advocacy, the imposition of one’s religious views on an entire populace. And it was made into law via legislation supported and funded by Democrats. (Hence the common “spineless” prefix used when referencing the Democratic Party.)

And then there was Barack.

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Posted in Lady Bits, Nicholas Wilbur, Obamaganda, War on Women

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Trite & Untrue, Weird Willard’s Obama Attacks Fall Flat

Posted on February 9, 2012 by | 8 Comments

Mitt Romney’s Colorado concession speech was as inspiring as a corpse.

But weirder. 

Between congratulating his supporters for clapping—not doing Olympic back flips through fiery rings, just clapping—and uttering some meteorologically redundant gibberish about how February winters are cold in Denver, Romney appeared to have discovered Rick Perry’s stash of meds.

“He looked understandably down,” Politico’s Roger Simon observed after Romney lost in Colorado, Missouri and Minnesota. “(H)e read his concession speech from two teleprompters as if he were seeing it for the first time—which he may have been.”

In a monotone monologue that might have rung with passion on paper but which failed to keep supporters from unapologetically fiddling with their smartphones throughout the live version of the speech, the former Massachusetts governor attempted to lay blame for the Great Recession at the feet of President Obama with a series of lethargic and haphazard punches.

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Magic Underpants, Nicholas Wilbur, Obamaganda

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Should Obama speak to Americans like 8th graders or academics?

Posted on February 7, 2012 by | 25 Comments

Everybody remembers Barack Obama’s famous “Yes We Can” speech.

Can you imagine how powerful, how memorable, how defining it would have been if he had instead called it, “Affirmative! This Collective Is Capable”?

The average American reads at or below an 8th-grade level.

For those who want to communicate with said average American, common sense says speaking to them at an 8th grade level will most effectively convey your message.

For the third State of the Union address in a row, President Obama has done just that. The text of his speeches have been written barely above the 8th-grade reading level.

The teleprompter critics who’ve long argued that Obama ought to be spending more time memorizing his speeches and less time killing terrorists are now arguing that either the president himself is stupid, or he thinks Americans are.

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Nicholas Wilbur, Obamaganda, Our Pundits of Perpetual Disappointment

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BREAKING: Polls say nobody likes Mitt

Posted on February 7, 2012 by | 2 Comments

About as shocking as the weather forecast in Seattle, a new Washington Post/ABC News poll reports large black clouds hanging over GOP frontrunner Mitt Romney’s campaign.

Romney, who notched his second consecutive victory Saturday by easily winning the Nevada caucuses, continues to solidify his position as the front-runner in the race for the GOP nomination. But as the contest has grown more negative, public impressions of the top Republican contenders have soured, as has the former Massachusetts governor’s standing as a general-election candidate.

As President Obama took a 9 percent lead over Romney (52 to 43) and saw his job approval rating jump to the highest it has been in eight months, the former Massachusetts governor actually lost support.

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Eye of Newt, Magic Underpants, Nicholas Wilbur, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!

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Newt Gingrich: Obama’s Biggest Fan

Posted on February 6, 2012 by | 5 Comments

With friends like Newt Gingrich, who needs Organizing for America?

In his concession speech following the Nevada primary Saturday night, Gingrich laid to rest the Romney campaign’s “greatest fantasy” by clarifying that he would continue his campaign all the way to the Republican convention.

“I am a candidate for president of the United States,” he said. “I will be a candidate for president of the United States. We will go to Tampa.”

While it may have quashed Romney’s “greatest fantasy,” it served simultaneously as a reinforcement to Democrats’ “greatest fantasy.”

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Posted in Criminally Stupid, Election 2012? Oy vey!, Eye of Newt, Magic Underpants, Nicholas Wilbur, Obama 2012: Yes We Will!, Political Shenanigans

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Has-been Cheater Endorses Has-been Cheater for President

Posted on January 29, 2012 by | 12 Comments

The one black Republican of 2011 to somehow dodge the “uppity n!ggger” charge by patriotic, Constitution-loving Teabaggers has “officially and enthusiastically” endorsed fellow philanderer Newt Gingrich for the presidency.

Herman Cain’s nod to Gingrich, announced in West Palm Beach, Fla., just days before the Sunshine State’s primary, could swing the momentum back toward the former House speaker, as it may effect the large swath of matrimonially disinclined conservative voters who remain unimpressed with Mitt Romney’s 42-year fidelity.

Speaking candidly about his experience with unsheathed beef whistles, Cain had this to say about Gingrich:

I know that Speaker Gingrich is running for president and going through this sausage grinder—I know what this sausage grinder is all about. I know he is going through this sausage grinder because he cares about the future of the United States of America.

Between his excessive reiterations about the “sausage grinder,” Cain managed to utter at least one coherent remark, which lambasted that dirty world of “politics” for creating the inhumane and unrealistic expectation that future leaders of the free world keep their dicks in their pants.

“What does something that happened 20 years ago relative to an ex-wife have to do with fixing America’s problems today?” he asked. “Nothing.”

Whatever.

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Posted in Election 2012? Oy vey!, Eye of Newt, Nicholas Wilbur, The Hermanator

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